They’re everywhere, at the supermarket, gas stations, t.v. ads, even on your favorite web sites; … we’ve all seen them; the ever intrusive self help articles. Like plankton to a blue whale, they seem to be swallowed up by millions of readers worldwide.
Why do so many people gorge themselves on someone else’s advice? Good question,… I guess it’s because they would rather trust the opinion of others over their own instinct.
In the battle for supremacy amongst these advice-giving articles are the power players; They include: LOVE (how to find it, how to know it, how to keep it) you know… all that “Notebook” inspired romantic mess, DIET (how to lose weight, how to eat right, and how to eat what you like but look different than you do,kind of articles) and last but not least there is the INTERACTION pieces. These are the ones that tell (you how to talk to your boss, how to stand up to your parents, and how make confident sales pitches.) It is this latter category that I want to talk about.
Recently, I noticed seven different articles in different forms of media that all dealt with the topic of showing people that you care about them. The articles covered all the bases of your typical daily interaction including your siblings and family, your spouse, or your neighbors and co-workers. Finding all these articles in such a short span of time drove me to ask this one thing… DO WE REALLY NEED THAT MUCH HELP INTERACTING WITH THOSE AROUND US???
I guess so.
I thought that since everyone seems so eager to find out how to show kindness and affection to those around them, that I would contribute to the already over inundated conglomeration of opinions on the matter. The difference being that rather than beat a dead horse and continue to try and come up with creative ways to be nice to those we love, I would offer my humble observations on the things one should avoid doing. If we all learned to correct our bad social habits, we might begin to make greater strides in showing those we care about how much we truly value them.
With that being said, the following is a list of the Top Five things you can do to show someone that you DON’T care about them. Learn them, avoid them, and soon you will not fall victim to them again.
#5, Starting off our list is the ever popular “Short Fuse”. Admit it or not, most of us have some kind of “Incredible Hulk” tendancies. You may be able to hide your frustration and anger better than others or you may have a fuse as short as Liz Taylor’s marriages, but you do get angry. It can rear it’s head in many ways: a kid slamming their door after a fight with mom, or an employee sulking in their cubicle for the rest of the day. Maybe you just yell a lot (this approach is really popular in Irish homes) or maybe you show your anger through death glares and grinding teeth… but regardless of how you show it, losing your temper is a great way to tell somebody that you don’t care about them. When something trivial or relatively unimportant upsets you so much that you blow your top, you’re really saying… ‘I can’t control my emotions right now…. sorry but you’re just not worth the extra effort it would take to show some self control’.
#4 The next item up for discussion is the “Lack of Memory” virus that strikes all too often in most our relationships. Nothing says “I don’t really care about you” like a good ole’ forgetting your birthday or anniversary. Now those are major things in most people’s life and you may be saying to yourself “I’m pretty good about remembering that stuff” but the list doesn’t end there. What about remembering the other stuff that’s important to them? Stuff like: that doctor’s appointment, or their soccer game, or that you said you’d get together for some lunch on Wednesday. These little things may not be appreciated too much when you remember them, but they speak volumes when you forget them.
#3. This next one may be one of my own biggest obstacles to climb, the “Opinion Dictator”. This is that little thing you do when you forget to actually value or even listen to other people’s opinion. I get it, I get it… YOU”RE ALWAYS RIGHT, right? Well, have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, they have a point too? Perhaps their opinion could shed some light on the subject as well? … “But Josh, what if they disagree with me?” you protest. You’re missing the boat here, … It doesn’t matter if they want to convince you that the sky is green and the grass is blue, they may have the worst of theories, or the most absurd of suggestions, but your ability to hear them out and actually think about what they are saying will give you the chance that so many parents, children, friends, bosses, or spouses miss out on every day.
#2. “All about me” It’s the mindset that is sure to alienate you from all your friends and family and make sure that no one can stand being around you for more than just a few minutes at a time. If you think that everyone on earth is put here solely for your comfort, then this point applies to you. The selfishness plague becomes evident in a myriad of ways. A few examples might be: thinking that what you want to watch is the only thing on, or dominating every conversation with your stories or your opinion on the subject at hand, you may also decide that the last piece of cake was put there just for you. Some people choose to show their ‘it’s all about me’ mindset by cutting down those they feel threatened by or by refusing to compromise on what restaurant to go to. There are too many examples of selfishness to mention, suffice to say, that if you put your desires and your needs above those you are around, you will undoubtedly send them the message that you don’t really care about them.
#1. The big numero uno. For simplicity’s sake, I’ve named this one “Quality Time”. Most people only get around 30 minutes of actual quality face-to-face time with the people they care about most. That may seem low, but when you factor in the time that you spend asleep, eating, working, watching t.v., and talking on your phone, it’s a wonder you get any face time at all. When someone you care about is talking to you, take an interest. This doesn’t mean you should turn your back on them, watch t.v. or write an email, it means you need to stop what you’re doing and look at them. Rick Warren (Author of The Purpose Driven Life) said in his sermon one day that he doesn’t like to answer his cell phone if he is in a car or at a meal with someone. His point was that we don’t get enough personal interaction time as it is, so why give up quality face time you have with some sitting beside you or across the table from you in favor of someone on the phone. In conclusion, you can say a million times that you care about someone, that you love them or want only the best for them, but if you’re not willing to actually sit down with them, talk with them, take a walk or a ride with them, than all you’re really saying is; ‘I don’t care’.
I know that most of these points seem pretty elementary and even obvious, but sometimes we just need a simple reminder to take a better account of what we tend to value most in our own lives. All too often we truly care about those around us, we just fail miserably at showing them. So take a minute and see if there is something you are currently doing that is sending out the message that you really DON’T care.
